Finding Support: Be Proactive in Acquiring Your Needs

Contact Your Church Leaders

Contact your church leaders; they can help spiritually, emotionally, and sometimes financially through church service clubs. It is vital that you utilize these resources. We had church members assist with babysitting, delivering some dinners to the house; remember you are doing a lot of running around and won't always be home on time to make dinner. Get in touch with as many service clubs as you can, Lions Club, Rotary Club, Kinsmen Club, Optimist Club, etc. They are great in doing fundraising and numerous other ways of supporting a family in crisis.

Form a Fund Committee

If it is at all possible, form a 'Fund Committee". This will help augment unforeseen family expenses. This committee can spearhead most of the fundraising. The fund raising committee is not only about money; they can help obtain a variety of items, keep the community informed, raise awareness; their assistance can do a lot. If you need, contact us, we will be glad to discuss this with you and/or your family & friends. Do NOT have too many family members involved; doesn't look good. Make sure that TWO people have signing authority on all cheques and make sure that you are NOT one of them. You will be too busy to get involved in every detail, delegate, but do not abdicate responsibility. Be prepared to attend as many functions as possible. It is important for the public to see you. During this time it is recommended that you stay away from pubs, liquor stores and/or beer stores and do not make any major purchases that are not required, even if they were planned prior to this illness; wait until this consuming journey is complete. Think of the image of people donating their hard earned money to help you and your family and here you are spotted purchasing major items or lined up to buy alcohol, the perception is not good for your image (how would you feel if it was the other way around?).

Contact The Media

Have the committee contact ANY media outlet and be available to give your story and updates. Our local paper, "The Canadian Champion", was just amazing in supporting us. They had stories of one sort or the other about Deidre nearly every time they published; this really helped in keeping things fresh in people's minds. It made fundraising easier. The whole idea is to build a 'net working' system. You will require a fair amount of assistance during this time and the financial, spiritual, emotional strain on family life can be tough. It is good to have someone to talk to and share a small part of your burden.

The one downfall of going public is that it is invasive to your private life. It took some getting used to; everywhere you go people stop and ask questions, over and over again, you are stopped while grocery shopping, going for walks, at work and play. All this is wearing and sometimes frustrating and very time consuming, but all in all, we just thought that for the sake of our family, it was a worthwhile decision to go public and we still think that today. There were times that one wondered but as we all know, things are not perfect no matter what.

Make Arrangements with Your Employer

Discuss your situation with your manager, be honest, most employers are pretty good at times like this but they do need to be kept informed without 'hand holding', remember, they too have a responsibility. If it is possible, use your vacation time, get a leave of absence, use your sick time; work things out. It can be stressful and your value as an employee does diminish; you cannot concentrate like you used to, your focus point is disrupted and your capacity for details will not be the same. You may think that you are coping and don't need any help, believe me you are NOT coping as well as you think.

Seek Counseling

It is also recommended that you seek counseling. If possible during this time period, but definitely as soon as possible after your child comes home. Everything in your relationship is magnified, especially your problems, old and new. All those little irritating things your spouse does get blown out of proportion. You will have untold financial stress, job stress, your other children, family, friends and on and on. Seek help, it doesn't hurt and may safe your marriage. The percentage of break ups is not encouraging and you should do everything possible to keep the family together. Put your ego aside, and go with your spouse to attend counseling, either separately or together. We went together, how else does one heal a marriage being pulled apart by a multitude of stresses. You will be surprised at the number of little irritations that can build up; you will find out new things about each other and hopefully allow you to go through this difficult time as a team.

Minimize Discussions of Your Personal Problems

Do yourself a favour and minimize discussions of your personal problems among friends, it will come back to haunt you and it is not fair to your spouse; family issues are not for public viewing. There is nothing faster than gossip and also nothing more damaging. Go to people that are professionals and educated in dealing with these issues, even if you have to change counselors once or twice, find someone you BOTH are comfortable with. This help method is not only for you but also for your child/children. It is difficult to help your child when you can't help yourself. Things can be worked out in most cases, just be prepared for some ups and downs.